Rush Limbaugh's list of 35 undeniable truths begins with this: "There is a distinct singular American culture - rugged individualism and self-reliance - which made America great." Rugged individualism works some of the time...we all have to own our work and live strongly what we are called to, but the old saying, "Many hands make light work." holds true as well. In order for me to live a more restful life, which is not a the same as a lazy life, I must be part of a team of people, both at home and at work, who share the load. Isolation is a ticket for exhaustion and depression! I saw the value of like-minded, thoughtful help very clearly over this past Thanksgiving weekend.
On our lot there are about 10 huge oak trees loaded with beautiful leaves. In the fall all of these leaves come tumbling down and our house is covered with leave a foot deep that need raked, bagged, and carried to the curb. In the back yard it is more difficult because the bags need carried over the top of a pretty steep hill. This year we had quite a bit of help! Sarah's dad was helped us in the morning and our friends the Crichlow's came over later in the day to finish the job. With all of us working we were able to clear the entire back yard of leaves in just over 8 hours...a 3 day job for me reduced to 1 because of the help of friends!
In addition to our own children, we hosted 7 friends/family members, 3 of whom stayed overnight. Other families host more, for sure, but to us this was a real test of our teamwork...in the last week we cooked a ton, did a bunch of dishes, cleaned/re-cleaned the kitchen/bathroom multiple times, set/cleared the kitchen table over and over again, did a little bit of shopping, and put up the Christmas decorations. We were even able to get to the gym and go on a date because other people chipped in to help! Sarah and I worked together to share the load and, at the end of the holiday weekend, we are tired but content...at least I am!
The church we are members of has a more formal manner of worship than our kids generally can manage themselves through. The 90 minute service includes all family members over the age of 5 and, after a couple years of really struggling, we decided about 5 months ago to take a a break from attending worship there. This past Saturday night a family we hosted for Thanksgiving called us and invited us to sit with them at church druing the service, offering to help manage the kids so that we could worship as a family in our home-church. At first my thoughts of public humiliation caused me to gulp pretty hard, but we decided to take them up on it and made out way out the door for worship the next morning. The children did well at first, but after about 15 minutes Annabel was getting antsy. Just as she was beginning to unwind and become disruptive another family swooped in a bit late with their 7 year old daughter in tow. They offered to have Annabel sit with them, giving her the extra steam she needed to push on through the entire service. It was the best behaved my children have been at church ever, and it has to do with the help we recieved from others.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thankfulness...
One of the things I love about Thanksgiving is that we all take a time-out from the craziness of life to take stock of the true blessings in life. There is always something to be thankful for! Thankfulness is a virtue that transcends cultures, religions, demographics and geography.
Imagine the following dialogue:
Friend - "So Doug, what are you doing for Thanksgiving this year?"
Me - "Actually, I don't believe in Thanksgiving. Where I come from we aren't thankful.
or...
Friend - "So Doug, do you do anything special for Thanksgiving?"
Me - "My religion doesn't allow me to take time-out to count my blessings."
or...
Friend - "So Doug, do you have big plans for the Thanksgiving weekend?"
Me - "No. In this economy there is nothing to be thankful for so I'm skipping Thanksgiving this year."
Almost everyone I know is in the following situation:
1. There are 3 things they don't have that they really, really want.
2. There are 3 things they do have that they really, really don't want.
At some points there may be 4 things I want and only 2 things I don't want; at other times there may only be 2 things I want and 6 things I don't want. The numbers fluctuate, but there are always a few things that could make my life better.
Before I continue too far, I should remind myself that not all of my desires are bad. For instance, my desire to have Thanksgiving with my mother is not wrong. It is not wrong for me to want my the War on Terror to end peacefully. There are a number of instances in which my life would truly be enriched by the addition or subtraction of specific items. The ethics of desire are very interesting!
Of course, many (many, many, many) of the items on my wish (or "wish not") list are vain phantoms making empty promises to my heart. Pursuing them is like pursuing a mirage. Sometimes it can be worse...sometimes getting the desires of my heart is like getting to the mirage and finding that what you were looking at on the horizon was not water but a large pool of poisonous snakes! Sometimes what we want (or don't want) is the opposite of what actually will bring us joy, peace, and contentment.
In first establishing Thanksgiving as a holiday in the United States, George Washington says (in part):
Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be...
At the end of 1863, the year of Antietam, Gettysburg and Vicksburg, Abraham Lincoln wrote:
The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God.
Thankfulness is not seasonal or circumstantial. I think it is good to pause and take stock of our blessings and give thanks.
Imagine the following dialogue:
Friend - "So Doug, what are you doing for Thanksgiving this year?"
Me - "Actually, I don't believe in Thanksgiving. Where I come from we aren't thankful.
or...
Friend - "So Doug, do you do anything special for Thanksgiving?"
Me - "My religion doesn't allow me to take time-out to count my blessings."
or...
Friend - "So Doug, do you have big plans for the Thanksgiving weekend?"
Me - "No. In this economy there is nothing to be thankful for so I'm skipping Thanksgiving this year."
Almost everyone I know is in the following situation:
1. There are 3 things they don't have that they really, really want.
2. There are 3 things they do have that they really, really don't want.
At some points there may be 4 things I want and only 2 things I don't want; at other times there may only be 2 things I want and 6 things I don't want. The numbers fluctuate, but there are always a few things that could make my life better.
Before I continue too far, I should remind myself that not all of my desires are bad. For instance, my desire to have Thanksgiving with my mother is not wrong. It is not wrong for me to want my the War on Terror to end peacefully. There are a number of instances in which my life would truly be enriched by the addition or subtraction of specific items. The ethics of desire are very interesting!
Of course, many (many, many, many) of the items on my wish (or "wish not") list are vain phantoms making empty promises to my heart. Pursuing them is like pursuing a mirage. Sometimes it can be worse...sometimes getting the desires of my heart is like getting to the mirage and finding that what you were looking at on the horizon was not water but a large pool of poisonous snakes! Sometimes what we want (or don't want) is the opposite of what actually will bring us joy, peace, and contentment.
In first establishing Thanksgiving as a holiday in the United States, George Washington says (in part):
Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be...
At the end of 1863, the year of Antietam, Gettysburg and Vicksburg, Abraham Lincoln wrote:
The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God.
Thankfulness is not seasonal or circumstantial. I think it is good to pause and take stock of our blessings and give thanks.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Naptime...
Yesterday I was able to grab a 30 minute nap after work and before my evening began. When I woke up I was very, very groggy for about 5 minutes, but after that I felt totally refreshed! My patience with the kids and evening chores, along with my attitude about working late at school, were totally better than normal.
Getting a nap in my family is a team effort. To make it happen I needed help from Sarah (who kept the kids out of the house at the park), my boss (who let me leave a bit early), our neighbor (who helped with the boys while Sarah was indisposed), and my children (who came in bouncing on the bed to wake me up). Solar eclipses are more likely to take place than me getting a nap on a weekday in the afternoon when I'm not sick! But I am going to try to make arrangements so that this can occur for both Sarah and I more often.
Harry Truman took a 30 minute nap everyday. If the President who served at the end of WW2 and the beginning of the Cold War found time for a nap I may be able to as well!
Getting a nap in my family is a team effort. To make it happen I needed help from Sarah (who kept the kids out of the house at the park), my boss (who let me leave a bit early), our neighbor (who helped with the boys while Sarah was indisposed), and my children (who came in bouncing on the bed to wake me up). Solar eclipses are more likely to take place than me getting a nap on a weekday in the afternoon when I'm not sick! But I am going to try to make arrangements so that this can occur for both Sarah and I more often.
Harry Truman took a 30 minute nap everyday. If the President who served at the end of WW2 and the beginning of the Cold War found time for a nap I may be able to as well!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Fear, or even worse...reality.
Fear is an enemy of rest. When we are afraid we cannot shut-down our hearts and minds; we can't tune-out the source of our fear. In fact, I find that when something terrible is on my mind I can shut-it-out right up to the point of almost falling asleep, and then the thoughts spring back upon me and cause my heart to race again! Like a flash the frontal lobe of my brain is fully engaged and I continue to toss and turn.
Children face these fears before bed; the monster in the closet and the robber on the roof are real to them...they know the thunder and lightening are out to get them. No matter how much we as parents try to comfort them, the best antidote is to bring them to our room and cuddle.
As adults our fears are more complicated and less imaginary. I fear losing my job and house...I know the children are going to get a rare and incurable illness. No matter how well I shield myself from these fears the only real comfort comes from prayer and the assurance of God that He will never leave me or forsake me.
Do I really find comfort there? Sometimes I do. More often than that, however, I find comfort in my own abilities and talents. I work harder, think harder, and become more controlling of my life circumstances. I don't let go of the fight because if I do my worst fears may come true.
Trying to avoid the terrible circumstances of life is an exercise in futility. Everyone must face and endure swirling circumstances they did not choose and cannot escape. Reality is darker and more difficult than our imaginary fears; life doesn't always come with seat-belts and a role bar. And when I am being thrown from the Cadillac of life-dreams onto the hard-ball pavement of reality the best cushion is to stay limber...relax, because being tense will only make it hurt worse.
A ton of my energy is spent on tragedy avoidance. I spend a lot of my time putting on "seat-belts" to protect myself from pain. Reality, and the Bible, both show me that this is in large part futile because pain is coming my way whether I am ready or not. The best safety I can find is in the character of a child who knows to run to his parents and cuddle; the best antidote to pain is to take my parents into the closet of my fears with a flashlight.
A child in my school had open-heart surgery last summer just after she turned 9 years old. The parents are from another country, work 4 jobs between them, live in a drafty trailer, have no money and are completely uninsured. Fortunately, the surgery went well! But three days later this little girl had a stroke that cost her the use of much of the left-side of her body. Its been 5 months and we have been walking through the tragic overflow of these circumstances with the family since the very beginning. During one visit to the home my boss asked the mother how she was holding up and through the interpreter the mother said, "Where we come from life is very difficult. We expect life to be challenging." Her daughter's pain, and the subsequent pain involved with the life of the family, did not derail her because she has a world-view that accepts pain as a true reality.
Children face these fears before bed; the monster in the closet and the robber on the roof are real to them...they know the thunder and lightening are out to get them. No matter how much we as parents try to comfort them, the best antidote is to bring them to our room and cuddle.
As adults our fears are more complicated and less imaginary. I fear losing my job and house...I know the children are going to get a rare and incurable illness. No matter how well I shield myself from these fears the only real comfort comes from prayer and the assurance of God that He will never leave me or forsake me.
Do I really find comfort there? Sometimes I do. More often than that, however, I find comfort in my own abilities and talents. I work harder, think harder, and become more controlling of my life circumstances. I don't let go of the fight because if I do my worst fears may come true.
Trying to avoid the terrible circumstances of life is an exercise in futility. Everyone must face and endure swirling circumstances they did not choose and cannot escape. Reality is darker and more difficult than our imaginary fears; life doesn't always come with seat-belts and a role bar. And when I am being thrown from the Cadillac of life-dreams onto the hard-ball pavement of reality the best cushion is to stay limber...relax, because being tense will only make it hurt worse.
A ton of my energy is spent on tragedy avoidance. I spend a lot of my time putting on "seat-belts" to protect myself from pain. Reality, and the Bible, both show me that this is in large part futile because pain is coming my way whether I am ready or not. The best safety I can find is in the character of a child who knows to run to his parents and cuddle; the best antidote to pain is to take my parents into the closet of my fears with a flashlight.
A child in my school had open-heart surgery last summer just after she turned 9 years old. The parents are from another country, work 4 jobs between them, live in a drafty trailer, have no money and are completely uninsured. Fortunately, the surgery went well! But three days later this little girl had a stroke that cost her the use of much of the left-side of her body. Its been 5 months and we have been walking through the tragic overflow of these circumstances with the family since the very beginning. During one visit to the home my boss asked the mother how she was holding up and through the interpreter the mother said, "Where we come from life is very difficult. We expect life to be challenging." Her daughter's pain, and the subsequent pain involved with the life of the family, did not derail her because she has a world-view that accepts pain as a true reality.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Sabbath Rest...
The original Sabbath was Saturday. There are still a ton of people who celebrate on Saturday, but most of the folks I know think of Sunday as the Sabbath. I think it has to do with Adam and Eve's first living day being the day of God's rest after creation...their first day was full of enjoying all God had done the previous 6 days. True to form, God wants us to begin with rest and worship rather than end with it. Not only is the Sabbath supposed to occupy 1/7th of our life, it is supposed to occupy the first 1/7th of our life.
There are those two words! There is the phrase that makes every agnostic nerve boil. There are the words that jump out and grab my "rest", dragging it to the ground and kicking it until its loins are black and blue and every rib broken. There are the words that bring the car of "rest" crashing against a tree...that catapult "true rest" off the road of peace over the cliff of duty crashing it on the rocks of joyless obligation. The phrase slipped in there almost unconsciously but unavoidably...the phrase, if you missed it, is "supposed to."
Anything like "supposed to," "ought to," or "should" conjures feelings in me of obligation, indebtedness, work, accountability, and requirement. My breaks in life are "supposed to" be breaks from all of the "supposed tos" in life! Additionally, religions are full of "supposed tos" that lay guilt on my conscious and create neurotic fears.
I just re-watched "Chariots of Fire" which, amongst other things, highlights Eric Liddel's plight when he learned that the first heat of his 100 yard dash in the 1924 Olympics fell on a Sunday. His conviction about the Sabbath wouldn't allow him to run on Sunday so he withdrew from the race and ran the 400 yard dash a few days later. The story is gripping and Eric heroically triumphs in the face of opposition. Stonewall Jackson was a Sabbath keeper, too. When the battles fell on Sunday he would give the brigade the next day off to rest. He was arguably the most dynamic leader of the Civil War.
Today is Sunday and, in my culture, a day of rest. Even in Army basic training, where every day was exactly the same horrible experience, Sunday's seemed different. Sunday's were more peaceful...or is hopeful the right word for it?
I'm not a strict Sabbath keeper, but I do see that God's obligation to observe a Sabbath is wise and purposeful. Its similar to requiring Abigail to take a nap even though she doesn't want to...she needs it but as a two year old she doesn't want to miss out on all the other fun going on. If she doesn't get a nap, however, life is pretty miserable for her (and everyone else around her). She won't make the choice to rest when she needs it so I make the choice for her because that is what is best in the big picture.
Keeping a Sabbath is a deliberate choice. I have to choose to rest rather than rush; choose to turn-off the water flow of life rather than leaving it on. It is also a matter of trust...trust in God that life will not fall apart when I spend a day resting.
I should finish by saying that the Sabbath is intended not just to rest, but to rest with God. I've heard it said that God is most glorified when we are most satisfied with Him alone. Adam and Eve were not just in the Garden of Eden resting, they were in the Garden of Eden resting with God...he was present with them in the Garden. A Sabbath without worship is like a garden without plants. God's intent in the Sabbath, I believe, is to reconnect us to Him, His Church, and our truest passion. A Sabbath should leave us energized and focused, with a clearer mind and purpose so that we are ready to embrace the bedlam of the other 6 days of the week.
When Abigail is resistant to rest I find myself trying to Lull her to sleep in my arms. Today I'm going to let God Lull me to rest in his arms.
There are those two words! There is the phrase that makes every agnostic nerve boil. There are the words that jump out and grab my "rest", dragging it to the ground and kicking it until its loins are black and blue and every rib broken. There are the words that bring the car of "rest" crashing against a tree...that catapult "true rest" off the road of peace over the cliff of duty crashing it on the rocks of joyless obligation. The phrase slipped in there almost unconsciously but unavoidably...the phrase, if you missed it, is "supposed to."
Anything like "supposed to," "ought to," or "should" conjures feelings in me of obligation, indebtedness, work, accountability, and requirement. My breaks in life are "supposed to" be breaks from all of the "supposed tos" in life! Additionally, religions are full of "supposed tos" that lay guilt on my conscious and create neurotic fears.
I just re-watched "Chariots of Fire" which, amongst other things, highlights Eric Liddel's plight when he learned that the first heat of his 100 yard dash in the 1924 Olympics fell on a Sunday. His conviction about the Sabbath wouldn't allow him to run on Sunday so he withdrew from the race and ran the 400 yard dash a few days later. The story is gripping and Eric heroically triumphs in the face of opposition. Stonewall Jackson was a Sabbath keeper, too. When the battles fell on Sunday he would give the brigade the next day off to rest. He was arguably the most dynamic leader of the Civil War.
Today is Sunday and, in my culture, a day of rest. Even in Army basic training, where every day was exactly the same horrible experience, Sunday's seemed different. Sunday's were more peaceful...or is hopeful the right word for it?
I'm not a strict Sabbath keeper, but I do see that God's obligation to observe a Sabbath is wise and purposeful. Its similar to requiring Abigail to take a nap even though she doesn't want to...she needs it but as a two year old she doesn't want to miss out on all the other fun going on. If she doesn't get a nap, however, life is pretty miserable for her (and everyone else around her). She won't make the choice to rest when she needs it so I make the choice for her because that is what is best in the big picture.
Keeping a Sabbath is a deliberate choice. I have to choose to rest rather than rush; choose to turn-off the water flow of life rather than leaving it on. It is also a matter of trust...trust in God that life will not fall apart when I spend a day resting.
I should finish by saying that the Sabbath is intended not just to rest, but to rest with God. I've heard it said that God is most glorified when we are most satisfied with Him alone. Adam and Eve were not just in the Garden of Eden resting, they were in the Garden of Eden resting with God...he was present with them in the Garden. A Sabbath without worship is like a garden without plants. God's intent in the Sabbath, I believe, is to reconnect us to Him, His Church, and our truest passion. A Sabbath should leave us energized and focused, with a clearer mind and purpose so that we are ready to embrace the bedlam of the other 6 days of the week.
When Abigail is resistant to rest I find myself trying to Lull her to sleep in my arms. Today I'm going to let God Lull me to rest in his arms.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Electricity...
I'm going to take a week off from evening lighting. For the next week I am going to turn off every conceivable light possible after dark and live in the "dim."
I'm not sure how it worked everywhere, but before electricity was harnessed into light bulbs houses must have been much darker after the sun went down. As a child we had two faux-antique oil lamps that we lit on occasion...pretty and a bit spooky, but not too intense with regards to how much light they put out. People 150 years ago, who lived half of their lives in the "dim" essence of oil lamps and candles, could not imagine my world of incandescence and florescence.
Before I even begin my experiment let me put out my hypothesis: I will get more high quality sleep if I light my house with less input from electricity.
I think this afternoon on my way home from work I'm going to invest in a couple of oil lamps!
I'm not sure how it worked everywhere, but before electricity was harnessed into light bulbs houses must have been much darker after the sun went down. As a child we had two faux-antique oil lamps that we lit on occasion...pretty and a bit spooky, but not too intense with regards to how much light they put out. People 150 years ago, who lived half of their lives in the "dim" essence of oil lamps and candles, could not imagine my world of incandescence and florescence.
Before I even begin my experiment let me put out my hypothesis: I will get more high quality sleep if I light my house with less input from electricity.
I think this afternoon on my way home from work I'm going to invest in a couple of oil lamps!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Music...
Last Saturday on my way home from the hardware store there was an acoustic guitar version Sweet Child O' Mine playing on the radio. The guy playing had a really good looping pedal and before he was 30 seconds into it I was on the phone calling the radio station to find out who was playing...it is an amazing, beautiful, intense arrangement. By the time I had reached home (only 10 minutes away) I had downloaded the song from iTunes. I have to share it with you! Here's the link to the Youtube video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWPQLDKOnh4
This reminded me of something I have known for years: music matters. At one time called "the music of the spheres," humans have always connected with organized sound. Hearing a good song, or being sidetracked by a piece that completely captures you, provides a sweet release and deeper meaning to the mundane, terrible, or wonderful moments of my life. Because of the song, and the story it has created for me, I will always remember last weeks routine Saturday trip to Martin's Hardware.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWPQLDKOnh4
This reminded me of something I have known for years: music matters. At one time called "the music of the spheres," humans have always connected with organized sound. Hearing a good song, or being sidetracked by a piece that completely captures you, provides a sweet release and deeper meaning to the mundane, terrible, or wonderful moments of my life. Because of the song, and the story it has created for me, I will always remember last weeks routine Saturday trip to Martin's Hardware.
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